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July 9, 2010 / multiplesclerosis1209

Solu-Medrol Day 1 & A Breakdown

I had my first infusion yesterday.  Doc decided that since I have insurance now and the steroid pills didn’t do much that we should go ahead and do the infusion.  It wasn’t  too bad.  The nurse was awesome.  He got my IV in in the first shot and the infusion only lasted 30min.  About halfway through I got a horrible metallic taste in my mouth that made everything including water taste like ass.  I go back for more today and then again tomorrow.  My fingers are crossed that I don’t get insomnia through all of this….I love sleep.  I hope that my insurance covers most of it.  It’s been so long since since I’ve had it, I forget how it works.

So Tuesday night I finally lost it.  I just couldn’t handle life and I started to cry.  My Hubby held me close and asked what was wrong and I told him that I  just needed a fucking break…that I just wanted to feel good for one fucking day.  I had a bad headache that I couldn’t shake and headaches kill me.  I started crying harder and I cried so hard that I couldn’t breathe.  Hubby just held me close and let me cry it out.  I really felt like I purged some pent up demons.  I hadn’t really cried about a lot of things with my MS and I’m not really a crier but these last few months I have definitely been crying more…and in front of people!  I always viewed crying as a sign of weakness but over the last few years I’ve gotten better.  Once I gave up the drugs and alcohol and no longer had tools to stuff my emotions, the dam started to leak.  Women are supposed to be good at crying but I encourage everyone dealing with their first year of MS to cry…and cry a lot.  Sometimes it’s the only relief to any of the pains and discomforts, emotional and physical.


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