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July 19, 2010 / multiplesclerosis1209

I Love Weekends

Since I am not working I get to spend my entire weekends with Hubby.  Saturday we decided to go car shopping and ended up at a Saturday Market.  It was nice to walk around on a nice day with my hubby.  Since we were pretty safe from seeing anyone we knew, Hubby wore his wedding ring.  I love it when we get to be open about being married.  I’m proud to be his Mrs. and can’t wait until after the wedding when we can just be our happy, married selves.

Being with him makes me feel safe.  My entire adult life I have been a confident person until this whole MS thing.  I was physically strong, mentally quick and felt like I could take care of myself.  Now, I am physically weak and my brain doesn’t move as quickly as I would like it to.  I can’t run, can’t lift anything heavy and I stumble over my words.  My self esteem is suffering until I figure out how to be more useful.  It’s not a good state of mind to be in when you are job hunting.  All I see in job postings is all of the things that I can’t do.  I feel useless unless I can work and I’ve always had physical jobs.  Nothing like hard labor but I’m not a sit-behind-a-desk kind of woman.  I’m usually pretty good about keeping my chin up and not getting too down about things, even now.  I get down for a short amount of time and then I suck it up and move on.  I completely understand why depression is the number two complaint/problem (behind fatigue) with people with MS.

Spending a weekend with Hubby renews my spirit.  He makes me feel like together we can do anything.  For the first time in my life I am willing to lean on someone for support, physically and emotionally.  When we walk I put my arm in his not only because I love him and always want to be touching him, but because I use him for balance.  When I need to talk I know he’ll give me his ear and listen with his heart.  He even lets me cry and snot all over his shirt.

Living one day at time is something that I have practice in and with MS, you have no choice but to live one day at a time.  Today was a pretty good day.  I’m still learning about my limitations (no I CANNOT carry a big dog crate out to the truck…) and I’d like to know how I know when my relapse is over (and also why I got nausea at 11pm and now can’t sleep) but overall I’m doing ok.

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