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September 8, 2010 / multiplesclerosis1209

My Husband

I’ve had a trying few weeks.  I left out some of the details to the wedding and honeymoon just because I didn’t feel like writing a novel yesterday.  Truth be told, the only reason that I have not completely lost my mind is my husband.  At the wedding he was amazing.  He got everything done that needed to be done and still managed to keep tabs on me and make sure that I was relaxing.  He is tough on me but in a way that I need it.  He knows me better than I know myself.  He knows that I am not lazy and that I wish I could help more but I physically can’t.  I even put in my vows to him that I promise to not resent him when he makes me rest (which got a good laugh from the crowd).  He “forced” me to leave and have a pedicure before the wedding so that I could get away and relax.  He even told me to have a massage if they offered it at the spa.  He made sure that I didn’t have much to worry about the entire weekend of our wedding shindig.

The honeymoon was extremely stressful for several reasons.  The first was camping.  I haven’t been camping in years so I was a little nervous about that mostly because I was afraid that I was going to hate it and Hubby loves camping.  Second was the music festival.  I have hated music festivals for a long, long time….well, since I got sober.  The chaos is hard to tolerate when you are sober and EVERYONE else is drunk or drinking.  Thirdly, the thing that I didn’t anticipate, the friends we camped with.  And fourth, sleeping was impossible.  This all added up to the perfect scenario for a nice little meltdown.

Camping: We bought a double sleeping bag and a gigantic air mattress so the set up was nice.  It was freezing cold at night and I was unprepared for that, but overall, I enjoyed the camping part.  We did have toilets nearby and a sink so I could brush my teeth so that helped.

Music Festival: Hated it at first.  We had a free shuttle that took us to the top of the venue but then we had walk at least a mile to get to our seats.  The shuttle was full of loud, obnoxious drunk people.  The walk was full of loud, obnoxious drunk people who couldn’t walk in a straight line and I don’t maneuver as quickly as I used to.   We managed to get to the merchandise booth and get what we wanted and make our way to our seats.  The first night is when we learned about the handicap toilets and shuttle which made my night much better.  Hubby and I left before the encore and took the handi-shuttle back to camp.  It was just the two of us and it was divine.  Maybe the only quiet we had all weekend.  Our camp mates arrived about an hour later and we all said our good nights and headed to bed.  The area where we camped also had about 5,000 other people camping there.  This is not an exaggeration.  Most of those people were drunk.  Some had fireworks.  None intended on sleeping.  I got about three hours of sleep from 4am-7am when I was awaken by a mega phone and some idiot screaming, “HO HO HO!!  MEEEEEEERRRRY CHRISTMAS!”

Concert Night #2:  We had gotten handicap wristbands for our camping mates so that we could all sit together the second night since we had general admission tickets.  We all took the handi-shuttle and en route our buddy John said (across the shuttle), “Wow, your disease is really paying off for us!  Hahaha!”  (more about him later) We learned on the shuttle about the handicap seating so we sat there which was super close to the toilets.  Night #2 was much less stressful.  I got a little more sleep by sleeping with my iPod but not much.

Concert night #3:  Hubby and I took the shuttle by ourselves and found our seats across the arena from the toilets.  About 30 minutes into the show I had to pee and asked Hubby to escort me there.  I was on the verge of tears the entire walk.  Our seats were really far away from the handi-toilets and I was getting worried that I might pee my pants.  I held Hubby so tight that he asked me if I was ok.  I wasn’t and I started crying.  I used the toilet and when I came out I hugged Hubby and started crying.  He asked what was wrong and if I wanted to sit in the handicap seats since we were right there.  I said yes and we enjoyed the rest of the concert.  I kept crying for awhile which was a nice release and we left before the encore and went straight to bed.  I slept some but my ear phone wires broke and I couldn’t listen to any music.  Luckily most of the jackass campers were actually tired and they were nearly out of fireworks so the noise stopped closer to 3am.

Our Camp Mates:  It turns out that these are two of the most annoying people that I have ever spent time with.  John never shuts up, dominates all conversations and doesn’t listen AT ALL but tries to please everyone all of the time.  Linda yells at John CONSTANTLY which makes John try harder to please her.  Add beer to John and all of this gets amplified.  John could not stop talking about the handicap accommodations and how my disease is so cool.  No matter what conversation was going on, John would, like a freight train, interrupt and make the conversation his.  Half the time when he did this, Linda would then yell at him to tell him that he never lets anyone else talk.  With my brain the way it is, I couldn’t keep up so I just sat with my phone pretending I was busy checking emails or something.  Changing the subject so quickly, talking loudly over people all with music playing in the background just doesn’t work for someone with lesions on their brain.  Even if Hubby and I were having a conversation away from people or talking to new friends who wandered through our camp, John would find us, interrupt and turn the conversation into his own.  Example:  Hubby and I talking about a girl we both know from back in the day and how something funny that happened to her and John jumps in with, “ADHD warning!  Doesn’t it feel like we are in a refugee camp or something here with all the people and tents blah blah blah…..”  I just got up and walked away.  On top of this, John has no qualms about being in your personal “bubble”.  He was leaning on me/over me while I was standing and I said, “Please do not push me”. His reply was, “I’m not pushing you!”  When he walks he walks too close and I have to get out of the way but when you tell him he’s doing this he says that he is not.  I could go on for days about this guy but I think you get the point.

Overall, the ONLY reason that I didn’t scream at the top of my lungs or kick John’s ass was my husband.  I don’t even know where to begin to describe the love and appreciation that I feel for him.  He takes care of me without making me feel like a burden.  He puts my needs above his own.  This music festival included his most favorite band EVER and he still moved out of his good seats to make sure that I was comfortable.  When we got home he unloaded the truck and unpacked everything and put everything away.  He passed out by 8pm so I did some laundry and got things ready for the next day.  In doing so, I noticed that Hubby had filled my coffee container in the cupboard.  When he had time to do this, I had no idea but it seriously almost moved me to tears.  He does so many things for me, big and small that I sat down and wrote him a letter.  The most heartfelt letter I have ever written anyone.  I cried while I was writing it.  I am so blessed to have such an amazing man in my life.  Learning to live with MS is no easy feat and having a strong partner has made a world of difference.  I owe my sanity to him. I try every day to tell him how much I love and appreciate him and I will try everyday, for the rest of my life, to not take him for granted.

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