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October 1, 2010 / multiplesclerosis1209

Long Week

So I got a job.  You would think that I would be over the moon about it but I have mixed feelings.  I’m thrilled to be earning a paycheck so that I can help out with household expenses but I worked four days this week and I am exhausted.  I had a total breakdown last night and cried and cried and cried.  I’m afraid that I won’t be able to handle the stress and multi-tasking.  I did fine this week and I’m hoping that I will continue to do better but I’m just worried.  I hate worrying.  I try to take things one day at a time but I keep worrying about what might happen….ugh.  Haven’t I learned ANYTHING sitting around those table with all of those drunks??  Hubby is, of course, amazing through all of this.  He is so supportive and tells me that if I need to quit the job, that’s ok.  We will be ok.  Once I open the flood gates everything comes pouring out.  EVERYTHING that has been bothering me so I cried for a long time and talked about a lot of stuff.

We have dogs and my whole world revolved around them and making sure that they were well taken care of.  One of my dogs used to go to work with me everyday.  Last night I sat down with this dog and apologized to him for his now boring life.  I apologized for getting sick and for not being able to take him to work with me or to the park all the time.  I can’t even take my dogs for walks anymore and I sure as hell can’t afford a dog walker to do it for me.  I had a dog walker friend who used to take him for free but now I live 40 miles away from her.  Today I am not working and I need to go grocery shopping and do dishes and laundry and pay bills and I want to take the dogs to the park………….but I’m exhausted.  I need to prioritize so guess what gets cut?  Yup.  The dog park.  One more disappointing day for the pooches.

I tried to catch up on sleep and slept in and am feeling better right now (post-coffee) so off I go to face the day!  Wish me luck!!


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