Fears, Hopes, Dreams and a New Car

It’s time for a long over due update (not that many people read this blog but it makes me feel better to write it). The job is still going well and I’m getting better at it.  The music in the background has become less of a bother and I’m getting better at talking on the phone when people are around.  I like the atmosphere and my boss is still pretty great.

I’ve been having a massage every week for the last few weeks.  Some weeks I have Cranio-Sacral and Reiki work and other weeks I have Swedish massage.  This last week I had a Swedish massage and I felt like total shit after it.  My legs were tired and weak, my head was wonky and I felt foggy.  I have no idea why I could feel so shitty after a great massage other than my stupid MS.  After I have the Cranio work I feel fantastic so I think I’m going to stick with that for awhile.

Since my job is going so well I’ve been worried that I’m going to have a relapse.  I have no reason to believe that I could go into a relapse but I feel like whenever things start to go well I get nailed with something totally shitty.  I’m hoping and praying that I don’t have a relapse but it was this time last year that the all hell started to break loose which led me to the ER which led me to my diagnosis so maybe I’m being a little overly worried.  It’s been almost a full year since I was diagnosed….man, how time flies.  I warned Hubby that I might get a bit emotional since this time last year was the hardest times of my life and what does he do?  He buys me a freaking car!!!  NO JOKE!!!  My little ol’ truck was getting pretty bad and it was stressful getting to work and back.  Apparently Hubby was trying to save it for my Christmas gift but my truck wouldn’t let him.  It decided to nearly explode every time I drove it more than two miles.  I got an adorable nearly brand new car!  It’s so perfect!  It’s the perfect height for me to get in and out of comfortably, I can carry everything that I need to carry, the sound system is good, I LOVE the interior……it’s just perfect.  It really did take a lot of stress out of my life and makes me smile every time I go outside to go anywhere.  It’s kept me in a pretty good mood lately…….

…….until the last few days.  After my massage at the beginning of the week I felt like shit.  Hubby and I still managed to go out with some friends for dinner and drinks and I felt slightly better the next day.  By the end of that day though, I felt like shit again.  It’s gotten progressively worse through today.  My legs are super weak, I feel minor fatigue and my brain feels fuzzy.  It probably wasn’t the best day to go for a haircut with a hair dresser that I had never seen before.  I probably didn’t explain very well what I wanted and ended up getting way more hair chopped off than I really wanted and probably wasn’t specific enough about how I wanted my bangs.  I liked it when I left the salon (I think mostly because I haven’t had a proper hair cut in over a year) but after I looked in the mirror a few times when I got home, I realized that there is no way I can ever make it look like this again without the tools they have at the salon and I actually hate my bangs.  I think Hubby hates it too.  It IS a hell of a lot shorter than he expected too.  I took a shower when I got home to try and see what it would look like if I let it air dry (which is how I usually “do” my hair).  I still hate my bangs and I almost started crying.  I went into the bedroom to lay down and have a cry and Hubby got home from work right after I laid down.  He came in and had a snuggle with me and made me smile.

Feeling like shit AND looking like shit is a bad combination.  Add to that some weird, new pain in my left leg and it’s a recipe for depression.  I cannot put into words how grateful I am to have my amazing husband here with me to keep my spirits up.

Tomorrow is a new day and hair does grow.