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December 5, 2010 / multiplesclerosis1209

Yuletide Cheer?

It was this time last year that my whole world turned to shit on me.  A giant whirlwind of stress that led to my diagnosis of MS.  Things got so bad that I moved my mother into my apartment to help me deal with life.  This year has been a whirlwind of a different kind (thank god) and even on bad days I know deep down that I’m happy and content with the choices that I have made and that helps me get through.

Hubby and I have decided to start some of our own Christmas traditions so today we went out and cut down our very own tree!  When we got it home we decorated it while listening to Christmas music.  I only have a few ornaments but Hubby had enough to fill the whole tree.  After we finished, we sat back, drank some apple cider and watched some TV by the light of our very first Christmas tree as husband and wife.  I got a little giddy and we had a toast to our first Christmas together.

This was, of course, another lesson in living with MS.  The tree hunt took a bit of walking, I couldn’t help cut or carry the tree, I was pretty beat by the time we got home to decorate so I got a little grumpy trying to put the lights on the tree….  When I get grumpy and tired my brain doesn’t function as well so I get more frustrated because I can’t even make a simple decision (like what branches to hang ornaments from).  I want to be in the holiday spirit but it seems as though I’m having to remind myself constantly to be excited for Christmas.  I’m super stoked for the gift I’m getting Hubby and occasionally I find myself getting that little flutter in my stomach when I think about waking up Christmas morning with the most amazing partner I could have ever dreamed of but sometimes it feels so forced.  I feel like sometimes feeling joy is a bit of an effort.  I’m wondering if one of the lesions on my brain is affecting how I process emotions.  I’ve never been an overly emotional person so maybe this is just normal me and I’m over thinking things.  I sure feel frustration and annoyance and anger so why I can’t I feel the good emotions as intensely?  I feel like I have my guard is up for some reason and I can’t pin point why.  I promised Hubby that each year around this time will be better and better but we are coming up on the one year anniversary Diagnosis Day.  Plus, once we have kids Christmas will be WAY more fun.


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  1. Sally / Jan 30 2011 9:39 pm

    ((((hugs)))) It’s hard when your life goes to hell in a handbasket at any time of the year, harder when it’s around a holiday, especially one you enjoy. I’m thankful I was diagnosed in the summer in that case, as Christmas has and always will be my favorite holiday.

    New traditions are great, I’ve been working on those myself, and cutting back on decorating is one that needs a bit more work on if these snowmen and santas staring at me tonight are anything to go by!

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