Skip to content
January 31, 2011 / multiplesclerosis1209

Fear

Last night, I had a minor bout with fear.  I got depressed and started thinking about my husband leaving me for a woman who wouldn’t need so much help throughout the years.  Maybe it all started since one of his best friends (who happens to be a woman) got in touch with him recently.   They were really close through high school and I’m not sure if they ever dated or not.  She’s cute, athletic, loves to travel and she doesn’t have MS.  I had a rush of fear, heart-hurt and depression and actually cried a little thinking about him leaving me.  Hubby never makes me feel like a burden and he’s a smart guy and knows what our future holds for us but I guess a little part of me believes that maybe he deserves better than me.  Maybe he deserves someone like her that he can travel easily with and play sports together.  I started to feel like second best….like maybe he was waiting for her and settled for me.

The thing about me and my depression is that (thank god) it never lasts long.  By lunch today I was feeling fine again.  I have so many amazing things in my life to be grateful for.  I know to core of my being that Hubby loves me and doesn’t regret for a second that he married me.  I’ve never loved anything or anyone as much as I love my husband and that makes me feel vulnerable.  We haven’t been together long but he knows me better than I know myself.  I’ve never been the jealous type, but I’ve never had so much on the line.  He has my whole heart.  I have given my entire self to him…every inch of my soul.  There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him.

I read blog after blog of people with MS who’s spouse’s leave them because they can’t handle it all.  I also read stories of people who have been happily married for 30 or 40 years with one partner having MS.  For us I am choosing the latter; to be the happy couple with a deep love that no one can touch.  Together we can weather any storm that may be on the horizon.  Together, we can do anything.

Advertisements

3 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. Sally / Jan 31 2011 3:24 pm

    I hope my comment on another post did not trigger this 😦 I’m woefully jaded on marriage, and would do my best to talk someone OUT of it if I knew before hand (wonder if that is why I never get invites to weddings lol), but once married, I would do anything to help them stay happy, not sure if that makes sense.

    Keep talking. Explain your feelings, never EVER hold them in. Without proper communication, well, not only is it not worth being with someone, but neither will it last. If I had a nickle for every time my ex asked what was wrong and I responded with ‘nothing’, well, I’d have a car….16 door limo probably.

    if interested… http://sally-thejourney.blogspot.com/ I only started it at the first of January.

  2. multiplesclerosis1209 / Jan 31 2011 5:16 pm

    Lots of things triggered this, don’t worry 🙂 Trevis’s blog ( http://www.everydayhealth.com/blog/trevis-life-with-multiple-sclerosis-ms/multiple-sclerosis-love-and-other-debilitating-disorders/ ) had lots of comments about the subject and I’ve just been having an emotional week….one of those weeks where every little thing triggers tears or depression. One of those weeks that my MS is trying to control my life…..

  3. Lynda / May 18 2011 8:00 am

    Glad you found a good man. I’ve been married to my husband for almost 21 years. He has had MS for 30 years. Sometimes it gets rough but I still love him.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: