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February 7, 2011 / multiplesclerosis1209

Mistakes I Can’t Make

Like many other people living with MS I have had to change careers.  I absolutely loved what I was doing and now I have a boring, safe desk job that accommodates what I am capable of doing.  In the beginning I wasn’t sure if my brain was going to be able to handle the new tasks but I after a few months of retraining, I’m happy to report that my weeks are getting easier as time goes by.  The first few weeks almost killed me.  I was exhausted at the end of the week and I was sure that my boss was going to let me go since I was making so many mistakes and not keeping up on everything.  Why he hired me I will never know since I haven’t had a desk job like this one in nearly 12 years.

My new job is exactly 1.8 miles from my home and there are many reasons why I love this:

I save on gas

I get to go home for lunch, put on  my bath robe, put my feet up, watch TV and rest (it’s ok to hate me for this)

I’m home 10 minutes after I get off work and

I have little time behind the wheel to possibly make a mistake

Having MS there are a couple of mistakes that I know I am not allowed to make without some severe consequences.  A “normal” person could get into a fender bender and no one would think anything of it.  A person with MS gets into a fender bender and there is talk of whether or not they are still capable of driving.  My husband and I have talked a little bit about the day when (if) I can no longer drive but that is an independence that I’m not ready to think about losing.  So far the things I have lost, like the ability to walk in heels or the ability to run, for example, haven’t bothered me much (I’ve been looking for an excuse to give up heels for YEARS and I’ve always hated running) but not being able to drive might just send me into a long, deep depression.

Having MS means having new fears and preparing for a completely different kind of future than I ever imagined.  I have to think about the day that I can no longer drive….the day that I can no longer stand unassisted…..maybe even the day I can no longer walk.  There is a difference between dwelling on things and thinking about them thoroughly so that I am as prepared as I can be.  I am truly blessed to have an amazing partner to be at my side on this crazy journey called Life.  Without him, well, I’d be stuck living with mother.



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