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March 5, 2011 / multiplesclerosis1209

Noise Noise Noise

I really don’t know how to explain it to people any clearer than I do…..or how many times I have to remind people. I CANNOT FOCUS WITH TOO MUCH NOISE HAPPENING. MY BRAIN COMPLETELY SHUTS DOWN. I’m trying to relax and watch TV at my family’s house, theres kids playing computer games behind me (with sound) and then you answer the phone and sit right next to the TV yapping away? Really? Every fucking time I’m here I explain how my brain functions (or doesn’t) and you don’t make a single effort to change anything and you wonder why I hate visiting here???? I do not have a choice how my body functions. You have a choice to talk on the phone in another room or to turn down the sound on the games. Lowering your voice on the phone makes no difference when you are still sitting precisely three feet from me…between me and the TV.
I hate feeling like this. I hate having these limitations but it’s who I am now. I’ve given up tonight and retired to the bedroom stating that I’m tired. Apparently when you’re “tired” people leave you along.
Having an “invisible” disability has pros and cons. My family tries to keep the kids off my lap but they don’t try to keep them from running around screaming. They think I’m physically fragile but they just don’t understand the mental side of things even though I have explained with my voice as well as in emails AND I’ve been talking about it all weekend… I can’t focus with too much going on and people talking over people and constant tinking and tonking of kids video games all while the TV is on AND there is a baby screaming. And to top it all off, I’m just coming off a three day infusion that has left every muscle in my upper back, neck, jaw and shoulders feeling swollen and sore which didn’t happen after my last infusion.
So much for a mini-vacation to the family’s house. I’m just glad Hubby got to go out and hang with the boys tonight….hope he’s having more fun than I am.


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