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June 21, 2011 / multiplesclerosis1209

(Un)Happy Summer

Officially the first day of Summer and it was actually warm today.  Work was fine because we have air conditioning but when I got home, the house was hot and humid which makes me miserable.  Hubby had to work another long day so I prepared some hamburgers and when he got home he fired up the BBQ (I’m not really allowed to touch his grill…it’s super fancy and rates in importance just below his truck).  I was pretty excited for my BBQ burgers.  I do love me some BBQ so I don’t mind the seasons that it doesn’t rain or snow or hail or sleet.  Hubby played with the dogs while he grilled and I prepared some veggies to go with dinner.  I didn’t realize that my body temperature was creeping higher as I was in the kitchen and that my blood sugar was so low.  By the time Hubby came inside with the burgers I was feeling antsy, weak and starving hungry so I prepared my bread, made my burger and cut it in half ready to go sit down to eat.  After I took my first bite, I noticed how pink my burger was.  I don’t mind a little pink but this was super pink and the middle wasn’t very warm.  I pulled the meat out of all of the fixings and put it in the microwave.  This made all the cheese bubble off the meat and made the meat a little rubbery.  Burger ruined.  I seriously almost cried during all of this.  I was so hungry and warm and frustrated that I just flew into total grumpiness and then Hubby felt bad because my burger wasn’t cooked how I liked it and it was his fault.  When I get to total grumpiness, nothing can drag me out of it, not even Hubby’s beautiful blue eyes.  To top everything off, my asparagus turned out mushy.  Dinner totally sucked.  Hubby thankfully enjoyed his meal just fine and we sat in silence and watched some telly then headed to bed.  Hubby asked if I wanted to talk about anything and I tried my best to say that it wasn’t his fault in any way, shape, or form and that I just wanted to write about it all and maybe I would feel better.  I didn’t want him to think he had done anything wrong and I felt like if I had tried to talk it out, I would have just gotten more frustrated.

So here I am, contemplating this whole episode that was our Tuesday evening and realizing that even when I have my disease mostly in check, it’s never completely gone.  It’s always lurking waiting to rear it’s ugly head when I least expect it.  Add a few degrees to the day and apparently I can’t handle anything and get thrown into total and complete grumpiness.  I call bullshit, again, on you Mr. Multiple Sclerosis.  I have tried to embrace you but you never cease to give me (or remind me of) new reasons to hate you.  Luckily I live in a part of the world where we have mild, short summers so Hubby only has to deal with Super Bitch on and off through the summer.  The worst part is feeling stupid for being upset over nothing and not being able to snap out of it……ugh.  It’s rare, but it happens and I hate it.  At least I feel better now having written about it all.  Tomorrow’s a new day and it’s not supposed to be quite as warm and then the early summer rain will be back and all will be right with my world again.

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One Comment

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  1. msathlete / Jul 18 2011 11:11 pm

    There is nothing worse that mushy asparagus!

    I am not a big fan of heat either. It seems to effect my vision (a little something new I have discovered about my MS). I try to stay near water when ever possible to keep things cool.

    The good thing is I am learning the triggers so I can try to avoid situations that put me at risk.

    best
    susan@msathlete.org

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