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January 9, 2012 / multiplesclerosis1209

Dogs and My MS

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted here.  I’ve been working my new job and surviving and actually enjoying it a great deal.  This last week has been a doozy though. I worked six straight days and finally have a day off today.  I still haven’t told my boss that I have MS and I don’t plan on it anytime soon.  I really don’t want to be treated like a cripple at work.  We hired a manager and she is pregnant and seeing the way everyone is treating her (sad eyes: “Oh honey, let me lift that for you! You shouldn’t be doing that!”), I don’t want to know how I might treated if everyone knew I was ‘disabled’.  So far there is only one task out of hundreds that I cannot do so I prefer to keep my MS to myself for as long as I can.

You may remember this post when I was injured in my own home by own dog?  Since then I have never felt completely relaxed in my home.  I was constantly watching Big Dog to make sure he wasn’t going to snap again.  A couple months ago he attacked another one of our dogs who ended up getting a staple in his leg to close a deep puncture wound.  This incident was handled by Hubby and I was not home for it.  It happened in the same situation that our dogs are in on a daily basis but this particular day, Big Dog reacted differently.  Since then, I was constantly surveying his body language.  If Hubby was not home, the Big Dogs (yes, there were two) were not allowed in the house with all the other dogs.  One of the Big Dogs is a great dog but the other is unpredictable and dangerous.  The Big Dogs are litter mates so anytime Bad Big Dog had to be separate from the others, Good Big Dog had to go with him or they would freak out.  Good Big Dog was being punished for no reason other than association.

Tuesday night we had Bad Big Dog put to sleep.  I feel a relief that I never thought I could feel.  Relief mixed with guilt.  My stress level is noticeably lower (which makes my symptoms more manageable) and I don’t feel like I have to be watching the dogs like a hawk anymore.  Just now, out in the yard, I had all the dogs outside (Hubby is not home) and one of them found an old, gross rawhide (the best kind in their eyes).  Rawhides are the only thing that they normally might get snarky with each other over.  I heard a commotion and walked around the corner and Good Big Dog had the rawhide.  He had his lips curled and was softly growling since Pit Bull was trying to sniff what he had, but I didn’t get the jump in my stomach that I would have if Bad Big Dog had had the rawhide.  I calmly walked over and took the rawhide from Good Big Dog and put it away.  No harm, no foul.  We continued playing in the yard and all is fine.

I have not told many people that we had our dog put to sleep because I do not want to hear their opinions and judgements.  I have a an eight year background working with dogs and consulted many dog professionals before we came to the conclusion that we did.  Having MS is difficult enough without having to worry about being strong enough to break up a dog fight, especially in my own home where I am supposed to be safe.  One of the reasons I had to quit the dog walking and training business was because I did not feel physically strong enough anymore to handle whatever situation might come up.  If you are interested in seeing the graphic pictures of what Bad Big Dog did to me, they are here (this is right after it happened), here (my leg right after it happened), here (after they cleaned it up at the hospital), here (the bottom side of my arm) and here (after it was stitched up)*. He bit clean through my arm and I will have the scars to prove it for the rest of my life.

On top of physical exhaustion this week, I am also dealing with emotional exhaustion.  Today was supposed to be Dog Park Day for a couple of our pooches but I can barely motivate myself to get off the couch…..



*Apparently with Image Shack photo hosting, you can ‘share’ these pictures.  Please refrain from sharing my pictures.  I would greatly appreciate it.  I wanted to give readers a choice of whether or not they had to see the graphic photos, so I used a hosting site instead of posting them here.



One Comment

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  1. Lynda in Michigan / Mar 2 2012 12:07 pm

    I was thinking it was time to have Big Bad Dog put down and about that time you said you did. don’t feel quilty. You have to take care of you. that includes making sure your house is safe.

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