Life is just humming along right now. I am officially in my second trimester so hopefully my energy level continues to increase. Hubby and I were able to spend some time with friends who are new parents this past weekend and that was much needed. These friends are open and honest and made me feel like I am doing just fine exactly where I am today. They let us in on some personal struggles about their pregnancy, delivery and first year of parenting. It was so refreshing to hear real stories from real parents and not just a bunch of rainbows and butterflies like most people talk about. “Oh, parenting is exhausting but you will LOVE it!!” or “Don’t worry about a thing. You will figure it all out!” or “Your instincts kick in and you will know exactly what to do!” Not everyone LOVES pregnancy and parenting and not everyone is a natural at it and that’s ok. I am not yet excited about being pregnant and that’s ok, too. It doesn’t mean that I won’t love my child once he or she gets here, it just means that it is taking me a little longer to warn up to the idea of having a kid.
In other news, I think I got a job! I will find out by the end of the week. It has been nice to be able to rest during my first trimester but I am ready to get out in to the workforce again.
So I went in to apply for public assistance, and I was approved. It was a huge “pride pill” to swallow for me but I need to think about the baby growing inside of me.
Where I live has a nutrition program for women who are pregnant. Each month I will now get vouchers for a very specific list of food. The list is pretty impressive, actually: milk, eggs, cheese, whole grains, bread, beans, juice. It even gives me a voucher for fresh fruits and veggies and I can get organic if I want to. I was also approved for medical coverage while I am pregnant which includes dental and vision. Guess who is getting her teeth fixed on Monday and new glasses in a couple weeks! So there is a silver lining to being broke! Hopefully I won’t need help for very long because I did have a job interview today and I have another one next week. If I get a part-time job I may even be able to keep the public assistance throughout my pregnancy. The relief I feel today is huge. My baby and I are not going to starve. Dramatic, I know, but apparently this whole Mom-caretaker thing kicks in early.
I just received an email from a girl who is a friend of a friend that was an order of clothing that she placed for me. Maternity clothing. First of all, everything was way too big. Luckily she was able to cancel and reorder the correct sizes. Second of all, it’s nothing that I need. One of the items of clothing is hideous and nothing I would ever wear. I told her thank you and then said that I will just return the items if they don’t fit. She then informed me that this particular website does not take returns and just donate the clothes if they don’t fit.
I know I’m hormonal and everything, but this made me angry and I started crying. As much as I appreciate the gesture, it’s basically wasted money that could have been used towards things that I actually need like shirts that cover my growing belly. Maybe I’m a bitch, but why are people supposed to accept garbage just because someone else thinks that you need it? I had an argument about this when Hubby’s parents bought us some stupid chair because they thought it would be comfortable for me to sit on in the yard. ONE CHAIR!! Not two, but one. In my mind, chairs come in pairs. Is that weird? And they know NOTHING about what makes me comfortable (not being mean, it’s just the truth). The chair is tough for me to get out of due to my MS but I’m just supposed to smile and keep it in the garage so I don’t offend anyone? Why are people so damn sensitive?? I bit the bullet and emailed this girl about the clothes and told her that I don’t mean to be rude but one of the items I already have and one of them I’ll never wear hoping maybe she could cancel the order. Instead, she said, “Oh well. Someone at the thrift shop will score then!”
I am unemployed and really need stuff that I cant afford so maybe I should just be grateful and wear the hideous clothing that she ordered. Hell, maybe by the time it gets here I will like it, but I doubt it. It just seems like wasted money to me. Money that could have been spent on things that could really benefit me right now.
I’m officially 12 weeks along in my pregnancy and I am still exhausted. Luckily I am unemployed still so I have plenty of time to rest. With all this free time, I wish I had the energy to get stuff done around the house. The dishes are piling up, the laundry needs to be done and my poor Hubby works full time then comes home to a filthy house. Today he was sweet enough to stop by and bring me lunch and I was still in my jammies at 2:30pm. He joked and called me lazy and told me to get a job. Oh, the love we have for one another… He should be happy I finally took a shower at 3:30pm since I didn’t take one yesterday.
Her I am at 12 weeks pregnant. Apparently loads of women don’t even start showing until around 12 weeks but I have been showing since eight weeks and I’m already wearing maternity pants (which I’m not going to lie, are just about the greatest thing EVER). Also, I would like to thank my dear friend who told me to get yoga pants. If anyone reading this ever gets pregnant, buy yourself some yoga pants. Seriously.
So far I am still having my mild MS symptoms. Mostly just stiff legs, muscle spasms in my legs and bladder control issues. I have read many articles and blogs by pregnant women with MS that say that their symptoms mostly subside and that they feel the best they ever have in their entire lives when they are pregnant. I am still waiting on that. Hoping the second trimester brings more energy, more bladder control and less jello legs so I can maybe get some exercise. I would love to be able to go for walks with my dogs for more than a couple blocks and not wet myself or get exhausted.
Hubby and I went to the baby supplies store today to get some education on some things that we are going to need. I know Z-E-R-O about babies and baby stuff. We started with strollers. I want a stroller that I can lean on if/when I get weak when I’m walking. It turns out, no stroller can really handle any weight that way. They just tip back wards. We found a couple that could handle a little leaning, but not much. You know what else? ALL stroller have brakes that you have to use with your foot. That’s right. You have to physically stop the stroller with your strength, then stand on one foot, then step on the brake that is underneath the stroller. Sounds simple, right? Not so much if you can’t lean on the stroller to get your balance in order to stand on one leg to step on the brake. WHY do strollers not have hand brakes??
3/9/14 **UPDATE** I did find a couple strollers with hand brakes made by BOB but they are quite a bit more expensive than all the other strollers we looked at.
Second product: car seat. I had no idea that car seats weigh like 7-15lbs. That plus the baby in it adds up to a lot of weight to lug around. Apparently most people take the entire car seat out of the car and put it in the stroller every time they get out of the car? That is so much lifting. I found a stroller/car seat system where the car seat was only 7 lbs but it wasn’t the highest rated in safety. It was fine, but not the HIGHEST so Hubby makes a comment, “what’s more important than the baby’s safety?”. I almost started crying. I tried to remind him of how fatigued I am going to be and that every ounce counts, but we were in front of the salesperson so it was tough to really talk about it. He didn’t mean to be hurtful, I just took it that way.
Third product: cribs. Holy shit. Talk about epic realization of our future. Did you know that some cribs convert in to beds that will last through childhood?? I’m not ready to choose a bed for our future 5 year-old!! And of course the one that I liked the best was $600. We should have looked at cribs first because by this time I was exhausted. The cribs were so spread out that I think we walked a mile just looking at the floor models. We narrowed it down to three favorites.
And then, “pack ‘n’plays” or what I thought were called “play pens”. Fairly simple and not too expensive. My main concern? Where is all this crap going to fit when we travel to the Grandparents? I drive a Rabbit and I LOVE my Rabbit!
Finally, “cosleepers” or “rock ‘n’ plays”. At this point, I have no desire to have the baby in our bed with us but for the first couple months, I want the baby right next to the bed. We have very little space next to the bed so we need something narrow. I don’t want to spend money on something we’ll only use for a couple months so we were looking for something that would last close to a year that maybe we could also use out in the living room.
At this point, we were both fried so we headed home. When we got home I put on my pajama pants and crashed in bed then immediately started crying. Hubby came over to console me but I couldn’t really explain what I was feeling so I just took a nap. The only thing I keep thinking is that having a baby seems like so much work and that I don’t want to do it. I know that everything changes once you see your baby and that I WILL love my baby but at this point I am overwhelmed and just want to cry. When do I get to be excited about all of this? Maybe in 10 weeks when I get to see his/her face on the ultrasound? I though hearing the heartbeat would change my attitude but today I am just not ready or excited about this baby.
I saw my neurologist today and guess what?? I CAN TAKE MY OXYBUTYNIN!!!!! She had her MS Specialty Pharmacist come and talk to me about the meds I was on and let me know what is safe and what is not safe. Apparently Oxybutynin is as safe as Tylenol!! The only major MS-related complaint I have had so far during this pregnancy has been bladder control. I have wet myself twice already in 10 weeks. When the pharmacist told me I could take my bladder meds as needed I almost started crying (and I didn’t even cry on Wednesday when I heard my baby’s heartbeat…). This means I might sleep through the night tonight and I will have less fear and anxiety when out running errands! This is such good news for me…I was starting to hate being pregnant because of my bladder issues which I understand only get worse as the baby gets bigger. At least now I will be able to hold it when I have to pee so I have more than 35 seconds to find a washroom.
I’m 10 weeks pregnant today, still sick with a cold/sore throat/cough and now unemployed. I’ve written before about how psycho my boss is but I had no idea she could go to this level: she fired me. I don’t want to go into all the details, but it was bullshit. Every single person who knows s the story thinks it’s bullshit, not just me. I’ve been an extremely loyal employee for two and a half years and at the first sign of anything less than perfect, she fired me. She knows I’m pregnant and she knows I have MS yet she still found it totally acceptable to fire me instead of any other option. As if job hunting isn’t stressful enough just having MS, now I have to job hunt knowing that I am going to be taking at least a couple months off work in just a few short months. Who wants to hire a pregnant chick? I also have more physical limitations that ever before. What sort of job am I going to be able to get that pays well enough and that I can handle that can get me through all of this??
For the first time in several years, I feel like a cripple again. I’m trying to focus on the positive but there just aren’t a lot of job options out there that I see that I could handle. Thank you, Boss Lady, for being the biggest asshole I’ve ever known in my entire life.